 |
Bullying And The TS Child
Many questions have come to our office asking what to do if my child is a victim of bullying. The following information may be helpful in guiding you if you suspect that your child is being bullied.
What is bullying?
New Jersey state law defines “harassment, intimidation or bullying” as “any gesture or written, verbal or physical act that is reasonably perceived as being motivated by any actual or perceived distinguishing characteristic and has the effect of causing harm to a student or damage to the student’s property, or reasonable fear of harm or property damage, or of insulting a student or group of students in a way that substantially interferes with the orderly operation of a school.” (A1874, 2002, Chapter 83)
Bullying can be physical, verbal (name calling, spreading rumors, teasing), emotional (exclusion from a group), racist (slurs, graffiti, offensive gestures), and sexual (contacts, comments).
The intent of a bully is to exert power over another person who is usually smaller, younger, or less popular. Most often the bully is aware of the stress being caused.
How often does it occur?
Bullying is not as uncommon as we would like. Studies have shown that possibly up to twenty-five percent of school age children have been victims of bullying at one time or another with almost ten percent missing time from school because of the fear of bullying.
What are the consequences to the victims?
Bullying can be very detrimental with long term consequences being evidenced in physical, social and emotional well-being. Anxiety and depression may develop. The learning environment becomes associated with negative feelings.
Dealing With Your Child
What should I do if my child tells me he is being bullied at school?
- Remain calm and try not to jump to conclusions. Listen to what has happened and try to gather all of the details without appearing overly anxious yourself. Children often ‘pick up’ on the emotional reactions of their parents.
- See if your child can tell you how they feel about the incident and how they reacted to the bullying. In some cases, you may find that this may not be a real case of bullying and that your child has handled the situation already. Ask your child what strategies were tried and if they were successful.
- Help your child understand that they are not the problem, the bully is. Remind them that this is not their fault.
- Provide your child with strategies for coping with bullying situations. These may include teaching your child to:
- Remain calm
- Firmly assert that they don’t like the behavior
- Use humor or diffuse with a joke if appropriate
- Go to the nearest adult if it happens
- Avoid the situation if possible
- Develop strong friendships
- Participate in positive social groups that meets his/her interests
- Develop special skills
*** Practice these strategies with your child until they are firmly learned***
- Teach your child the following strategy:
Cool down
Assert yourself
Look the bully in the eye
Mean it!
Dealing With The School
How should I deal with the school?
- If the situation persists, talk to the classroom teacher. Ask the teacher what classroom rules are in place against bullying. Does the class have class meetings where these issues are discussed? Are there specific classroom sanctions against bullying? Are cooperative learning activities employed in the classroom to discourage bullying behavior?
- If the situation persists, contact the principal. Make sure you remain calm and can provide times and dates of incidents. Ask the principal to show you the school’s anti-bullying policy (required by law) and ask what specifically will be done to remedy this situation. Ask if there can there be more or better supervision in areas where bullying occurs. Find out what the school policy is on bullying, what sanctions are brought against bullies and whether the entire staff has been trained to deal with bullying? Ask if Guidance Counselors run groups to deal with bullying in the school?
- Become involved with the PTA. Find out if the school has fully embraced an anti-bullying philosophy. If not, suggest that research be done to make this a priority in the building. There are some excellent strategies and programs available on the web.
- Remember that bullying does not have to be tolerated and should never be accepted. There are some schools that have virtually done away with bullying. It does require a school-wide initiative and commitment.
What happens if no one at the school listens?
- You should contact in writing your School Superintendent, Board of Education, and the NJ Department of Education County Superintendent for your county.
- If you still do not feel that this situation has been adequately addressed, you may have to contact an attorney or take legal action through the NJ Division on Civil Rights (www.njcivilrights.org).
Websites For Further Information
www.njbullying.org (NJ Coalition for Bullying Awareness and Prevention)
www.njcivilrights.org (NJ Division on Civil Rights)
www.myprimetime.com/family/parenting/content
www.pta.org
www.drtesta.com
www.capsli.org
www.loveourchildrenusa.org
www.kidpower.org
www.safeyouth.org
www.tsa-usa.org/ed
www.bullypolice.org/nj
www.aclu-nj.org
|
This page was last updated
December 31, 2007
|
|
|
